I don’t even know if I have the heart to explain this. To be honest this post has delayed because I have been trying to compose myself and be rational about it. Being better has become a longer journey than expected so I will just put it out there, even though my feelings are not where I want them to be. Remember the dove I told you about? After the whole ummm…. I am looking for a really good word here. Is there a word between ordeal and wonder? That word. After all that I thought that we were done and I remember telling a friend of mine jokingly that I hope doves do not believe in inheritance.
The dove did not get the joke.
So I am back to having the dove on my balcony. Well the child of the dove to be precise. Who knows where the mother is? If I did I would have the presence of mind to report her to her mother and I would hope she would speak some sense into her children. I mean two days out of the nest? And you are already having a family?
Technically speaking I do not understand how a child is even allowed to have children at this tender age. I kid you not the bird was barely a week out of the nest and there she was again with an egg. Then egg number two about two days later. There was barely time for me to recover from the mother, feel good about her presence or formally say goodbye then this happens.
I had a conversation with my mum about this and she could tell my frustration from the tone of my voice and in the kindest tone she said, “Mungu amekubariki na kitoweo; ndege na mayai yake na bado unalalamika?” Loosely translated she asked why I could not just have the mother and child for dinner. Not as dinner guests but the main meal. Of course she meant it but kinda did not. It is hard to filter these statement while being this upset about the dove. I have thought about it just so you know. I just don’t have the heart to kill them both and yes I am probably romanticizing this whole experience but in a way it feels like it is a trust. For wild animals to be that close and to believe that where you live is a safe refuge for them then you go and eat them. It sounds wrong and underhanded.
However, I am feeling my generosity wane down their generation, the third generation may not be so lucky.
No I am not starting a bird raring program though I would not blame you if you thought I did.
There is something about uninvited guests that draws me in and annoys me at the same time. A confession of mine is that most of my friends have a way of doing this to me. In many ways it is beautiful because there is some divide that they cross which invited guests cannot and they are themselves to the fullest and when I am comfortable enough I can be myself too. The second reason it is beautiful is because they have no sense of personal space and in a surreal way it is a meeting of two worlds learning to co-exist in the same space. Just like the doves and I.
Don’t get me wrong I am not going soft on the dove. As soon as it is fit I will bid them farewell. I want my balcony back.
Back to friendships, if the people who invited themselves into my life waited for a formal invite then most of them would not be my friends now. I have been graced with friends I did not look for and who decided to stay even when I seemed to be in my own world. They have taught me to be more accommodative and perhaps give a chance to something that on the onset does not seem to make sense. They have shown me to be adventurous and even when my crazy side comes they allow me to blame them. Who wouldn’t want friends like that?
In a different turn of events including this post I have the chance to let things flow and see where it goes. That sometimes when plans seem to steer off track it should not cause me to panic. I am learning that it is okay to let plans slip out off course once in a while and have open arms to the unexpected. Perhaps there is a new reality that is looking for room to fit into mine and it can look like chaos, but it will teach me something about life that I would have otherwise missed.
As for the doves I would say in the famous words of Eustacce Bagge from Courage the cowardly dog show, “Get off my property.” (insert gibberish). As for my friends, it is hard to describe the depths of the impact in my life plus how random the friendships were formed and the nature they express themselves now. You would imagine that somehow the most important people in your life would come in a suit and tie and seem very important when you meet them right? Then when they don’t, it’s weird to think how easily you would have dismissed them and the reality you now share with them would not exist. I lack words to describe it sometimes. It is overwhelming and humbling. I am truly grateful.